More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
