We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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