I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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