Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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