They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
