It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
