i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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