so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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