dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
