Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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