next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
