Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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