He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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