so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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