nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
