Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
