What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
