dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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