Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
