You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
