I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
