I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
