and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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