Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
