Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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