I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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