I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
