Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
