i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
