According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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