yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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