Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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