I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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