Where is the hickey?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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