Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
