Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
