According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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