remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
