Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
