Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I die, sorry about rent.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
