my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
