i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
