my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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