I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
