Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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