I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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