Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
