I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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