Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
