Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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