Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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