The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
