I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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