Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
