I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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