They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
