You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize