Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
