is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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