i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
