even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
