I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
