I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
