I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
