she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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