Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
