Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
