You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
