probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
