i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
